Having a child in the hospital is stressful, emotional, anxiety filled and just plain hard on any person!!!
Now add being a Mom to another child at home, being married, working, running a household and grieving the loss of our son, my daughter’s twin. If this is not a recipe for a girl to loose it and a marriage to fall apart, I don’t know what is?!?!
When I think back and ask myself, how did I NOT fall apart? How did OUR marriage not crumb under the pressure of having a child in the hospital AND grieving the loss of our son?!
My #1 answer would be is to keep communicating with each other.
Communication about your emotions–
Some people feel if my significant other isn’t expressing their emotions the way that I am, then they must not be feeling the same way. People show their emotions differently and people deal with their emotions differently. You may want to talk about it with him and he may not want to discuss it all that much. Find the balance where both of you are comfortable to express what you are feeling.
It helps to know that your spouse is on this journey with you and you are both feeling the same way.
Communication on house hold duties–
Running your house hold and taking care of your kids at home is very stressful because that doesn’t stop because your child is in the hospital. Your mortgage still needs to be paid, you still have to take care of the yard, buy groceries and do laundry. If one person is responsible for all of this, it eventually is going to cause a problem between you two. The last thing you want to do is fight over who was supposed to pick up dinner.
What I found helped was planning out who was going to do what around the house so you weren’t responsible for everything. Plan who is watching your child when you are at the hospital. Plan your meals for the week. Bottom line plan as much as possible so you don’t have to worry about making these decisions later or when your stressed and tired.
Communication outside the hospital–
Saturday’s my husband and I would not go down to the hospital, that was our day to get the house together for the week and spend some quality time with our son. We needed that day together and our daughter had a nurse by her side all day and night, if anything happened we both could be reached by our phones. We needed that time as a family and for our souls. We loved to take our son out to dinner or go some where fun with him. Doing something with him that didn’t have to do with the hospital helped us gain our sanity. Taking that time helped us be better parents for our daughter in the hospital and gave us some clarity.
We were better people for each other and for our children that needed us.
It sounds cliche but my best advice would be to communicate.
Be strong for one another…
Standing together and staying united as a couple makes you feel you can take on anything.
These are little suggestions on what worked for my husband and I when having a child in the hospital, and what ended up bringing us closer.
I hope with me sharing what worked for us can help someone else going through a similar situation.
Have a great week!